What I Learnt About My Relationship In Lockdown

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This past year of lockdowns affected each of us differently. For some, it was a motivational time, for others, it was difficult. For some, it helped relationships (of all kinds) flourish, and for others it had the opposite effect. One of our Writers’ Club winners shares her experience of a newly formed relationship... 

“Love hurts, whether it’s right or wrong”, are the wise words of Avril Lavigne, my tween superhero. She’s right – relationships are hard, there is no denying it, and the COVID-19 pandemic made them all the harder. Whether couples chose to cohabit for the first time, or whether they were separated from each other and had to maintain long distance relationships. 

My boyfriend and I belonged to the latter camp. We were a new couple, and had just started going out in February 2020 (just before the COVID-19 pandemic reached the UK in full force). Twenty days into our relationship, he flew back to his home country, which had an eight hour time difference. This relationship was the first serious relationship we had both been in and we had to navigate boundaries, communication styles and lack of affection while being 6000 miles apart.  

For five months our patience and commitment to each other was tested. We were not able to kiss, hug or have any physical interaction. We called each other every day for an hour, and it was really hard seeing each other on screen - so close and yet so far. We were friends before and got on very well, but being long distance and in a new relationship made us fight a lot - we were discovering things about each other and we were finding the flaws in our relationship without having physical touch to console each other. 

Novel problems require novel solutions though, so upon advice from more experienced friends, we developed a system whereby once a week, we would sit down during a call and ask each other if we had any problems with our relationship that we wanted to talk about. 

Communication was key during those long distance months. I know of many couples who have split up due to lack of communication, exacerbated by the geographical separation imposed by COVID-19. Quality time was also important. I knew some people’s partners who would call them for several hours a day but not have any meaningful time with them. One of my friends’ boyfriends would just call her while he was gaming. Thankfully, my boyfriend and I found ways of doing things together online. We played games, did quizzes, watched movies, and shopped, so we weren’t bored of our relationships after five months of the ‘same old’. 

Some people have asked me if I ran out of things to talk to him about, seeing as I wasn’t going out and experiencing new things. My response is that there are always new things to know about a person! Even living with a person for an extended period of time does not guarantee that you will know them inside out. 

Cut to the present day and we are now one and a half years into our relationship. He came back to the UK about six months into our relationship and we have been going strong since then. After the lockdown eased, we went out more and we could display all forms of affection, not just verbal. In my opinion,  the long distance made me realise how important the physical aspect of the relationship is, but also how you could survive without it. The verbal aspect of the relationship took precedence during those months, which actually strengthened our bond. 

In the case of another lockdown, I’m not worried about our relationship because even if I am not able to spend time with him in person (we do not live together), we have developed strategies that we could use to deal with our time apart: 

Communication is one of the most important aspects of the relationship. If you bottle things up and keep it all inside, resentment builds and this can manifest in reduced interest in your relationship. 

Make sure you keep yourself busy and also invest in other relationships, for example, friendships, in order to not get bored of the same routine. 

If you are in a long distance relationship, research what activities you can do together. For example, my boyfriend and I played online games (like scrabble, Airconsole and houseparty games) and watched Netflix movies and series together. We even co-wrote a series of short stories!  

Ultimately, lockdowns have posed a challenge to my relationship with my significant other but there are ways to overcome the distance. To those of you in relationships who are scared that another lockdown might influence your relationship, don’t fear! If you truly are meant to be with someone, no distance will get in the way of that. Even though the physical aspect of a relationship is important, soulmates are SOULmates. Emphasis on the soul. Love hurts, yes, but it will all be worth it with the right person if you just persevere.