What Does Womanhood Mean To Me?

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It’s International Women’s Day today - a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women! So we reached out to you to find out what womanhood means to you. This is Em’s story, who tells us all about their relationship with womanhood since coming out as non-binary...

I grew up in a small town where my grandparents lived across the street and everyone knew everyone. It was nice – until I realised I was different. Looking back, I had a very traditionally gendered childhood, which still affects a lot of what I do to this day. Being the only girl out of my siblings and cousins, it was all pink and dresses and princesses, but slowly I started to realise that wasn’t me. I didn’t want to be a princess and play with dolls and babies, I wanted to learn how to do new tricks on my scooter and be a pirate and fight. 

As I got older, everyone knew me as the tomboy and slowly people started to understand that that was who I was. But still something didn’t feel right. Gender was never something I considered. I just thought you were born a certain way and that’s who you had to be. I felt like I was going along with what I saw everyone else doing but I wasn’t truly being completely me. Two years ago I came out as a lesbian and I felt more peace than I ever had before. I felt like maybe that was why I never fitted in to gender norms. Then, during the first quarantine in March 2020, I started to think about who I really wanted to be and started learning more about who I was. And it finally clicked. On Valentine’s Day 2021 I came out to myself as non-binary. 

Non-binary is an umbrella term for any gender identity which is not exclusively male or exclusively female. For me, being non-binary means that I don’t feel like a girl or like a boy. I feel like my identity is completely off the spectrum, and my gender expression can jump around from traditionally feminine to traditionally masculine, both or neither. I just feel like me. Because it’s such an individual experience, it can be quite a hard thing to explain, but for me I don’t fit into the two traditional gender boxes. I feel like I can’t be labelled and in my head and in my heart I am just a human being. I am just Em.

So what about womanhood? Womanhood to me has always been about women raising women up, supporting and loving each other through everything, and being there for each other. I identify as non-binary so my view on womanhood and what it means to me has changed a little over time.  Because I was raised as a woman for so long and because I was closeted for so long, I still associate with some elements of traditional womanhood. And I still present myself in traditionally feminine ways some of the time. But, I find the whole concept of being ‘one of the girls’ and being in a community which is so centralised around a gender that I don’t identify as very restricting. And it’s something that a small part of me will forever struggle with. One of the main reasons I find it hard to embrace womanhood in its entirety is because of the pain and struggle I have gone through whilst questioning my gender identity. So if I was to completely embrace womanhood I think I’d feel like I am lying, cheating or making everything I feel up. 

Gender (of being either a boy or a girl) is something which is so built into our society, so when you don’t identify with either, it can make you feel very lost and like you never know where you belong, where you fit, or who you should be. I am not what people would traditionally associate with ‘womanhood’, but I do sometimes feel a connection to it still. It’s like womanhood is a house. I don’t live in the house but if I pass it I might wave and say hello, I might even go inside and talk, but at the end of the day I always leave because that’s not where I truly, authentically belong. 

If you're coming out or have been affected by any of the above issues take a look at Stonewall’s website for information, support and resources. However, if you’d like to share your experience with womanhood and what it means to you, get in touch with us at @NCS by dropping up a DM.