How I Got Out Of My Own Way

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If you’ve ever felt as though you want a bit more from yourself, but don’t know where to start, this is the blog for you! Courtney is here to share her experience on self reflection and saying goodbye to limiting behaviours, and offers a few helpful tips for you to do the same...

Inspired by the trend of “glowing up”, I bring to you the solution on how to end your limiting behaviours! Whilst it may not be as aesthetically pleasing as laminating your eyebrows or investing in some skincare, I promise you that nothing but growth can come out of challenging the way you behave by asking the hard, difficult questions you might otherwise avoid. Let’s begin!

The most significant symptom of limiting behaviours is a flight response to any scenarios which you think challenge your comfort level. This can range from not offering your input in class because you’re okay with just listening rather than engaging, to not applying for internships or signing up to a club/society. Being complacent can also be a symptom: in social situations you might always wait for someone to approach you instead of making the first move. You might also be stagnant in your friendships; you don’t make an effort to get to know anyone new because you’ve grown so accustomed to who you are with already. Writing off new interests and hobbies as “weird” or stereotyping them can also be a symptom of limiting behaviour; you decide that you already know what you like so you don’t explore things outside of your comfort zone.

My own limiting behaviours stemmed out of insecurity. I didn’t sign up for clubs like debate initially, because I didn’t think I had anything worthy to say. My input in groups was limited to what was necessary as my lack of confidence made me want to keep to myself. I stayed with the friends I made in my form group because I didn’t think I could meet other people with common interests. Even my choice in movies and music were limited to what I’d grown up with or what stereotypes I’d formed about different categories.

I’d describe these behaviours as toxic and problematic, as they don’t serve your best interests! Your fear of failing stops you from making the most of the opportunities available to you. You’re not guaranteed a yes or positive experience from everyone and every situation in life but that shouldn’t be the reason why you don’t try at all. Restricting your interests means you neglect to discover different parts of who you are and also limits how many more relationships can be born out of having common passions! Deciding not to branch out and connect with new people means you miss out on the privilege of knowing people from different backgrounds, with different perspectives and passions!

Hopefully what I’ve said has woken you up like a cold shower! Now it's time to talk about what you can do to help yourself out. Please remember, this can’t all be done in a day’s work - it’s going to be a marathon not a sprint. But pushing yourself will help you progress. For me, I had to jump in the deep end, multiple times. I had to take action, despite the internal conflict trying to dissuade me from doing it. My fear of public speaking was gradually cured as I kept pushing myself to do things like volunteer to read in Mass and being more active. Volunteering within my school community also helped me to overcome my limiting action of self-isolating within my own bubble. By volunteering as a school counselor, guardian angel and taking part in charity events I was able to make friends with lots of nice girls across different year groups.

In order to get a better understanding of how you’re not showing up for your best self, I’d recommend a daily dose of journaling. I’ve discovered so much about myself through black print on white paper. There are so many prompts on Pinterest for you to get started with and I’d suggest doing ones on self-reflection so you can express how you feel about yourself.

It's more difficult than usual now to “put yourself out there” but I’d recommend using online platforms like Squarespace to try out some new skills or hone in ones you have until we can safely gather in person. Futurelearn and coursera have thousands of courses to try out whether you’re interested in coding, creative writing or even learning a new language. Choose one, or a few, and give them a go for a couple of weeks. I’m sure you’ll find you’re more creative and logical than you think! You might be limiting yourself through procrastination; in that case, I’d suggest you think about resetting your routine. Go to sleep earlier to avoid waking up late and I’m sure you’ll see how much more time efficient you can be. Try using apps which lock you out of your phone for a while so that you control how much social media you consume and spend time reading the books collecting dust in your room!

Lastly, please know you’re not alone in this! Where would Billie Eilish be if she was self-limiting in her fashion sense? She’s clearly not known for minimalistic looks! Or Dua Lipa overcoming self-limitation in dance? Even people who seem to have it all together haven’t smashed the ceiling of self-improvement, there’s always room to grow! I’m not sure if we’ll ever get as much time for ourselves as we’ve have now so don’t take it for granted. Take the time to reflect on yourself and see how unlimited you can be.