How Failure Became My Friend

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At some point in our lives, we all lose something important to failure. It seems to consume the thing we’ve worked hardest for, which makes it difficult to dig ourselves out from under the wave of disappointment that follows. But, after experiencing that loss, there’s often a lot to gain – sometimes things need to go wrong to set you on the right path.

A few years ago, my English teacher told me about the Young Poet Laureate scheme and enlightened me on this incredible opportunity to be a poetry ambassador, representing my county. I was quite a bit younger than I am now, and after a long struggle to pull an application together, coupled with a few tears of frustration, I decided I wasn’t yet ready for such a responsibility. The following year, I gathered my courage, finalised my poems and sent them off with an accompanying note about who I was and why I wanted to be involved. I waited with baited breath and eventually got an email back to say that I had been shortlisted!

As a finalist in the competition, I was given some awesome experiences, like performing at my first open mic event. It was a lovely evening in a beautiful café with ScriptStuff Poetry. I was terrified of standing centre stage in a room full of poets, in front of an exposing spotlight, and sharing fragments of my thoughts and soul. In the end, I had nothing to worry about as everyone was so welcoming; it boosted my confidence tenfold and ended up being a lot of fun. I especially enjoyed the cakes upstairs.

Later I took part in the selection day which was held in the glorious heart of a huge library. I did an intriguing workshop with a successful poet, shared some of my work with talented young writers from my county, gave a public performance for family, teachers and judges, and attempted my first interview. The day was thrilling; it was my first taste of what the life of a poet could be. But it wasn’t that successful. I was already disappointed in the poems I turned in – I felt they didn’t capture the best of my ability at that time. Those sentiments were shared by one of the judges who spoke to me later, citing a lack of striking vocabulary as my main hindrance. On top of that, my interview flopped like a wet fish trying to breakdance – it was mortifying.

But once I got over those embarrassing conversations, they helped me see how I could progress…how I could harness my love of language to improve my expression. And I did. I’m not claiming to be a wonderful poet now, but I’m significantly better than I was then. That terrible interview made me realise I knew next to nothing about important writers, so I’ve taken the time to explore the poets of our past, even shaping holidays around visiting birthplaces and learning about their legacies. I listened to that judge’s comments and bought a book of “500 words you should know”. My next speech for English sounded like I’d swallowed a thesaurus, but at least the vocabulary was varied. And there was a whole heap of others that have gradually and continually ameliorated (see ;)) my work.

Since then, I’ve pushed forward, placing in competitions, having poems published, and trying to brighten my neighbours’ lockdown with them. I’ve even made it to 10 Downing Street as a winner of the recitation competition, Poetry By Heart.

Without that failure, I doubt many of these things would have been possible. The whole experience was a fundamental turning point in my path to the writer I am today and the one I’ll be in the future. I didn’t get the prize I was hoping for, but I won a brilliant new perspective and focus.