My Identity: Home Vs. School

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Let’s face it, human beings are complex. Especially when it comes to personality and identity traits. Sometimes we can feel like the most confident, outgoing person in the world. Sometimes we can feel like a turtle who just wants to crawl into its shell forever. But with such varying characteristics always in play, how do we know our true selves? NCS Grad Laurel gives us her opinion on identity changes... 

Have you ever found yourself to be acting differently depending on what environment you are in? Specifically, if you’re at sixth form/college or you’re at home? I know I have. Personally, it seems as if my personality shifts and moulds into different forms when I enter a new environment. It is something that I believe is common especially within young people as they begin the journey of finding their true nature. And I don’t think it should be viewed negatively. Many people may call this change ‘fake’ or ‘two-faced’ but that is never really the case. I always tend to view my personality as a game in which you unlock new levels or aspects, depending on where you are, who you are with or what you are doing.

I find this change is most apparent when I am at sixth form instead of when I am in the comfort of my own home. At sixth form I come across as having an exceedingly confident, loud and opinionated personality from the way that I act, my body language and how I speak. Many that don’t really know me say I’m someone who ‘is sure of herself and is not concerned about the opinions of others.’ But those that know me properly will tell you this is far from the truth! To me, it feels as though each time I enter my sixth form I pull on a thick mask that blurs my true feelings and characteristics into something that they are not; I mould into the person I want people to view me as being, rather than who I truly am. It is not necessarily that I am unconfident or quiet but my personality is exaggerated greatly in this new environment, so much so that the change made is explicit. When I am at home, I become quieter and more introverted for the majority of the time, more like my true character. Someone that enjoys their own company and would rather be left to relax than be the centre of attention in a large group of people. I guess, it is almost as if my mental walls fall when I return home, my once powerful front crumbling with each environmental change. 

And this change isn’t only apparent when I go from my home to sixth form. It is something that occurs depending on who I surround myself with and their personalities. 

When I am surrounded by the people I consider close friends or family, my personality tends to remain similar to my home personality in that I embrace my more introverted side. I think this is because I feel comfortable around these people and so don’t feel the need to change or hyperbolise my personality in order to fit in. It would be correct to assume too, that when I am around people that I don’t necessarily class as close to me or someone that knows me properly,  my characteristics will resemble my sixth form personality; extroverted, loud and confident. 

I believe that when we change ourselves around people and in different environments, it is because of the expectations of society. It is centred around the notion that all people should be a certain way to fit in with all groups of people. This is plainly and simply wrong. No person is the same as another, and for that reason no single one of us will get along with everyone, no matter how hard we try or how vastly we change ourselves to do just this. We shouldn’t have to feel that we need to change to meet the criteria of others, but we should also be content with allowing ourselves and others to embrace being themselves in any form they feel is comfortable at that time or place. Your personality will always take many different forms, but no one of them is wrong, because they all make up who you are. However, these changes are also proven scientifically. The social investment principle says that personality trait changes in young adulthood occur because of new investments in conventional social roles. So, our dedication to certain roles and institutions mean we ultimately change to suit the area we are in and the people we are with. This proves that any change we feel is normal in each and every one of us.

My personality changes are something I am aware of each day of my life. It is something that will forever affect me, as it will everyone else, no matter whether it is noticeable or not. But something I always keep in mind is to never view it negatively or feel bad for these changes. It is normal for us all to change in different environments or with different people, and at the end of the day, any change in your personality is still you! These changes do not mean that you are abandoning another part of yourself, they just mean that you are embracing a new part. These changes are something I believe we should all view as something that holds opportunity; your personality is a part of you. It is a journey that you will always travel while you live. Appreciate each destination that reveals itself to you. It is you!