Coping With Grief Over Christmas, With Winston’s Wish

In 1992, Winston’s Wish became the UK’s first childhood bereavement charity and have been providing emotional and practical bereavement support to children, young people (up to the age of 25) and those who care for them ever since. We spoke to their team and our Writers’ Club member, Natalia, about coping with grief around Christmas time. Here’s what they had to say…

Why the festive period can be a difficult time if you’re grieving…

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, the festive period can be a difficult time of year when someone important has died. Christmas is a season which celebrates love and family time and often has lots of special memories of spending time with loved ones. 

There are also lots of potential ‘trigger points’ everywhere during the festive period that might bring up your feelings. It could be an advert that shows people getting together, a piece of music that was special to your important person, or maybe a personalised card you would have bought for them. 

While grief never fully goes away, there will be times when emotions are much more heightened than others, and when the sense of loss can feel greater. It doesn’t matter whether your special person died a few weeks, months, or years ago, you may struggle to cope with your grief at Christmas. 

Natalia explains: “The person you have lost will have left a hole and this can be especially highlighted at Christmas, particularly if that person featured heavily in your celebrations. When my loved ones were still alive, Christmas Day could be quite chaotic (in the best way!). My family and I would often spend the morning at church and then we’d get in the car and spend the day driving between various relatives’ homes. Christmas lunch at one house, presents at another, games at the next and a sleepover into Boxing Day at the last one. We still do travel to see family members but there’s a big gap now, both of time and space, that the loved ones we have lost would have filled and so we aren’t as busy on Christmas Day.”

How to cope with grief this Christmas…

Christmas can be tricky when you’re living with grief. Some years it might feel really difficult to manage your emotions and like your grief is heightened, while everyone else is seemingly having a wonderful time. Other years, you might find that you feel okay about Christmas and you’re able to make it through the festive season...and even enjoy it! Or perhaps you’re somewhere in the middle and your emotions are up and down and roundabout. 

Whatever you’re feeling, try to remember you’re not alone and there are other grieving people your age who are probably feeling quite similar to you. 

From old memories to new traditions, here are some helpful pieces of advice from the Winton’s Wish team, and Natalia:

“My family and I, now that we are some way along the bereavement journey, like to do something each year which includes our loved ones that are no longer with us in the day. We don’t go as far as laying a place for them at the table or anything like that, but often we will light a candle or bake their favourite dessert to eat together as a way of sharing the day with them and their memory. Your loved one will always be a part of your life and all the seasons in it even if they’re not there physically and so, once you are ready, doing something to include them at the more special times of year like Christmas can be a really beautiful and oftentimes joyful thing to do.” - Natalia, Writers’ Club

“This year, I decorated my mam's memorial tree for Christmas for the first time. I’d never thought to do anything like this before and have always struggled at Christmas, which I imagine a lot of people do. It made me feel really close to my mam and like she was a part of our old Christmas traditions.” - Molly, Winston’s Wish Youth Team

“Try not to compare your life to other people on social media, it’s not a true reflection of what’s happening in peoples’ lives. Filters, posed smiles, and seemingly ‘happy’ times may be their way of trying to carry on as normal. Just as you should try not to compare your life to theirs, also remember that they are potentially just putting on a brave face and getting through whatever is going on in their personal lives too. If it’s helpful for you, avoid social media during the Christmas/New Year period and opt for a film instead!” - Sally, Winston’s Wish Practitioner

“Christmas can be a hard time of year, especially when a loved one is missing. A tip I find helpful is to remember that the thing they'd want most would be for you to have a magical Christmas spent with those who you love. It may not be easy, and uncomfortable feelings may come up to the surface, but try and see them as waves - they will settle back into the ocean again soon.” - Brooke, Winston’s Wish Youth Team

We hope you can find something within these tips that speaks to you. Knowing that other people have been where you are and are grieving themselves this Christmas might bring some reassurance that you don’t have to go through this time alone.

How Winston’s Wish can help…

If you’re struggling with your grief at Christmas (or any other time of year), we’re here to help.

We provide grief support to children and young people up to the age of 25 and the adults supporting you. 

We have a Helpline team who offer immediate advice, resources and support by phone, email and live chat: either call 08088 020 021 (open 08:00 to 20:00, Monday to Friday), text WW to 85258 for our 24/7 urgent support crisis messenger service, or live chat us on winstonswish.org (open 15:00 to 20:00, Monday to Friday). 

We also offer digital one-to-one grief support with a trained practitioner and online peer support groups where you can meet other grieving young people. You can email us at ask@winstonswish.org, or check out our website, where there are also lots of resources, advice and stories from others with experience of grief.